Who are you, little person? I know you as intimately as it is possible to know a body, having birthed you from my own. Yet you are complete mystery. My wonder in you is like the wonder of the stars. No thought could capture you, nor name define you. Maybe it’s stars that you are; and my love, the universe.
The Is-ness, is so solid a chunk of This-Is-What-It-Is. and yet, in my plight, I argue, what if? What if, I had done it differently? What if, I had chosen this way? What if, I am without doubt? As if the fists of my refusal can possibly dent the edifice, the stoney truth of What is Happening. And yet, the Is-ness calls me back, my sweet lover, my tender reminder that hindsight is masochistic and foresight a case of control-freaking. In the laughing gentle face of reality. my mistakes are beautiful reminders that a flaw in perfection is the master artist, reminding us all of the truth that is so easy to forget: Every dropped stitch, Every missed calculation, Every errant brush stoke is genius, pure genius. Opening us to the grander truth, the Ultimate Yes: No mistake is possible and every seeming misdirection is truly pointing the way. There is nothing to apologize for. All of your mistakes are beautiful perfections, perfectly aligned to show you One True Thing: This is What it Is. When you love that, love the mistake, accept the imperfection, embrace the Is-nes There is nothing Wrong and nothing Right. Rumi said it already.
A reader recently asked me, “What I really want to know is what lead to your awakening? What life were you leading that contributed to this event?” He wondered if there was a certain way to cultivate a fertile ground for enlightenment, a kind of prerequisite plan.
Well, for one, by the time I awoke from the dream that I was a separate self, the enchantment of being Lori-Ann had all but worn off. Like wall paper which had begun to fade and peel, the near fifty years of living under the spell of selfhood was lifting. As this trance loosened its grip there glimmered underneath the façade of “me”, something brilliant by comparison. Then one day the wallpaper-thin self just fell away entirely, revealling a spacious vast nothingness full of life.
Even so, a spontaneous awakening is probably not really instantaneous, even if it looks to be sudden. In…